So I've been getting some fairly sage advice from my therapist. If there seemed to be such a problem with me and my ego, make things about other people and push some of the weight off. I'm trying and trying, but it's tough when the people I'm trying to work out the issue with have completely stonewalled me. Oh well, I'll do what I can, I suppose.

Tonight I'm going to ask sensei if I can start coming to the dojo all three days (Wed., Fri., and Sat.) to get some extra help with my kendo. Apparently my back's not been straight enough, even though I always thought it was just fine. Being in the mindset of hitting with your strikes is so difficult! You have to push, stomp, swing, kiai shout, and keep your body focused. I'm getting the hang of it, but it's difficult when you're only able to focus on one thing at a time.

My midterms were pretty tasty: 3 Bs and an A-. I hope to keep it up.

The past couple weeks has been very enlightening for me. If I were to put a label on the defining moment of it, it would be this: "Relax and let go. If you think about nothing at all, your kendo will fall into the place it's supposed to be." The lesson gleaned here, of course, is not just about how my shinai will fall onto my opponent. I need to relax and let go of my life, my priorities. If I can clear my head, the important things in life will rearrange themselves.

This lesson is important as it's following weeks of doing nothing but accounting, marketing, and management & organization work. I hardly have time to game anymore, but it's then I realize all the free time I spend doing (comparatively) nothing at all until the last second. I used to pride myself on being that last-second thinker. When I clear my head, however, the order falls into place like dominos. Do you work, and do it to the best of your ability. When it is time to rest and relax, enjoy your games. Don't let them become work as well. When our form falters as we're striking sensei, he'll whack us on the shoulder or head with his shinai. I've quickly learned this doesn't mean give up. It doesn't mean to sigh and walk away defeated. You stop, pull back to collect yourself, and strike again. You do it because you have respect for the man and his art, but you also do it because you respect yourself and the art growing within you.

I've had some pretty in-depth talks with Dr. Kelly. Some of them are a bit too juicy for here, but many are relevant. He's a bit of a portly man, but his mind is very sharp. I think my favorite part about him is he's like me: he's not just going to sit back and wait for you to solve your own problems. He'll badger you and badger you until you come to some sort of conclusion on a problem, then have the balls to bring up another of your problems and tell you to apply that thinking to it. It's so annoying, but fucking effective. I'm trying to argue this shit about killing being necessary in certain circumstances (think like SG-1 having to kill Goa'uld to keep humans safe) but then you have to question yourself further (their goal is not the death of the Goa'uld, but an eventual elimination of the parasites so their Jaffa can stay free. Hell, not even all the parasites are evil!) FFFFFFFF

Anyways, any more'll probably bore you. Mom sent me a package on Oct 5 and I just got it yesterday. It had delicious fudge brownies (Yeah, I dunno why I like them either...) which were somehow still good. I should ask her for a cookbook next time. Mom and Dad were curious how you guys were, and I told them as far as I knew you were liking the new place and the independence, just like me!

I do not understand how accountants handle doing accounting.

Where everywhere in the business field there are sectors looking for progression (marketing looking for someone new to sell to, administration looking for new ways to manage people, sales looking to improve the company's bottom line) Accounting stands alone, saying to themselves "Okay, cool, we bought that company, moved this equipment, sold this shit. How the hell did we do that?" It's a science built around complexity, so if someone messes up (which people inevitably do) we can say "Yep, there's the error! GOOD THING WE HAD SOMEONE MAKING NOTES OF ALL THESE HAPPENINGS."

I just feel bad for the person who has to keep track of all that.

In other news, I have a meeting scheduled with my new therapist, Dr. Kelly (Unfortunately no relation to Melly) this next Saturday morning, meaning Saturday has been absolutely crushed out of existence for me for free time.

Also, I've submitted an idea for my future MBA thesis topic to Professor Maloney (she's that cool adviser I may have told you guys about who went to Japan back in the 80's working for the government to try and keep our companies afoot of how they were being so successful). It's something of a long idea, and I need to keep it a trade secret until I write the paper about it, but she's recommended me two good books to read on the subject! Very excited

Blah blah blah, My Kendo gi's coming, I'll look really baller...blah blah blah, mom's making me a bag for my shinai (all two of them!)...Oh! The move went really well. They're set up at a temporary house in the suburbs of Portland and are coming back to visit on the 30th (The plane's annual inspection will be in Grand Marais, so I guess it's a good excuse?)

OH YA, I FOUND MY APPLEPOD, SO DON'T WORRY ABOUT ANYONE STEALING YOUR iLIFESTYLE, ~HELLZGRANNY.

Yesterday we got to practice with our fully-armored sempais. We tried hits such as kote (hand), men (head), and do (body) in alternating series. I was told I have a terrifying face and kiai shout (you shout out what you're hitting as you hit it, along with fumikomi, which is a audible "stomp" of the floor in front of you. You strike, fumikomi, and kiai all at once to really put power into it). I've also gotten some advice in finding a keikogi, the robeguy I get to wear which is a lot cooler in temperature than street clothes. I'm still a bit wobbly with my upper body because I'm so tall, but I think I was improving a bit towards the end!

School's been kinda boring so far. Most of our homework for the Business College is groupwork, so everyone only has to do bits and pieces to contribute to the whole.

Matt's been really getting on my nerves, because he and I share the same goal-oriented psychology. This really comes out when we're playing Civ 4, because I'm Japanese (Military and expansion oriented) and he's Chinese (Industrial and I think Financially oriented??). Every time I'm about to capture a city from whatever civilization we happen to be fighting, he'll try and sneak some riflemen in there to get it at the last second so he controls it. So whenever he does that, I whack him with one of my swords. He's gotten a lot better at holding off now

I haven't forgotten about the therapist! I'm just kinda busy because I'm also helping mom prepare for the move to Portland. She and Dad complete the move on the 31st, so after that I'll start going. I'll even tell you when I'm going and what all rolled on through

I miss talking to you guys. I know you're busy but could you at least comment on stuffs?

32 hours sans sleep cause of our new game last night. Today was so hard listening to teachers, and I think half the time they were dreamteachers. The leaves are rustling gently in the trees outside and I can hold it off no longer. Goodnight an sweet dreams!